ZH3 Hash #1127: RED DRESS RUN 2018
Hares: Dog Woody, Just Patty, and Dick Back of Notre Dame
RA: Asphalt Liquor and Weapon of Ass Destruction
Scribe: Grab Me By The Pussy

The 4th annual Red Dress Run, organized by the divine combination of Loves It Down Under (who celebrated her birthday and received a bell in an attempt to satisfy her pleasuring desires at will, results are TBD without details) and Shamcock, started off in glorious fashion with superb weather provided by the lovely RAs of Asphalt Liquor and Weapon of Ass Destruction, gobs of money being collected for the charity of Susy Utzinger Stiftung für Tierschutz, and plenty of hashers and horrors dressed to kill in their red dresses… and then the chalk talk started.

In true ZH3 fashion, one of the hares, Dog Woody, cleverly snuck off for one last, long stare in the mirror and to have a moment to himself to think “Damn, I look good in red”, and left his co-hare, Dick Back of Notre Dame to describe what lay ahead for the 60+ dashingly dressed hashers.

Dick Back of Notre Dame and, eventually, Dog Woody graciously told the Hash Pack that we were in for many surprises, invented Hash Markings such as the “Confused Check Back”, and several infinite loops that one would have to navigate. Within a mere 5 minutes on trail, all were lost without a hare in sight. The exception here was the wily veteran, Ice Footsie, who tried with all his might to let the Hash Pack know that he had found the way but was unable to due to losing his voice after thanking all the passerbys for saying he looked damn sexy.

The trail took us through some of the most populated areas of Zurich to maximize views and cat calls of Dick Back of Notre Dame’s ass. To the delight of Schogginatrix, the chicken dance was performed mid trail for many Zurchers, and Hashers, to enjoy. And just as the Hash Pack was about to commit mutiny
from a lack of alcohol, a shot stop appeared, provided by Shamcock, that wetted the whistles of all but at a sound level to not disturb the choir that was practicing close by.

During the circle, the alcohol was kept flowing by Kiwi WeeWee, Just Mike, and Premature Cock Sucker, all of which performed their duties to the best of their abilities. A copious amount of jelly shots were passed around and consumed to the delight of many. Notable Down-Downs include those who wore
WTF red dresses and not a dress red dresses. Remarkably, Slippery Digit and his “hair” were involved in, surprisingly, the only dead bug during the circle. To everyone’s dismay, the “hair” was removed before a flying dead bug could be performed… There was a guest appearance of a lemon cake from Sticky
Fingers that lasted for all of 3 seconds. Just Nina is now known as Cum in Cider for which there was not enough flour to be had.

Post circle, Schogginatrix’s bargaining skills were put to the task with the local kiosk owner over how many cold beers could be had at a good price. Ultimately, both claimed small victories. Entertainment was provided by the endless rollie pollies and cartwheels from the horrors in attendance. Surprisingly
the best cartwheel of the evening belonged to Smokin Cock (a late cummer but one that gets a pass as he was also celebrating his anniversary of 9 months after conception) while an A for effort was given to Stick A Dick In It, not for her cartwheeling abilities for her assisting abilities with the horrors and their gymnastics show.

The after circle party lasted till the sun shined no more and the after after circle party continued at Schogginatrix’s new place till who knows when and with no reported survivors.

Editor’s Note – Think you can do better? Stand up, speak up, write up!