Name: ZH3 Hash #1088: The Hot Free Hash
Location: Pizzeria Don Emilio,  Dübendorfstrasse 24, Zürich
Hares: How Do You Define Veird and Dick Back of Notre Dame
RA: Weapon of Ass Destruction
Attendance: 20 hashers, 2 clean guests, and 2 dogcicles
Scribe: Ice Footsie

The naming of the hash, Hot Free,  was an elegant display of irony as the hares had to lay trail twice, the second time live because the first had disappeared under a layer of sleet. Thanks to technology and Shamcock (even though it was not made for trail …), chalk talk was carried out remotely from the depths of the forest and we set off up the hill (does any hash in Switzerland start otherwise?).

This write-up will be a challenge in view of the fact that my total contact time with any of the pack amounted to less than 5 minutes – with the pack trekking up into the darkness, I realized that I had forgotten my torch and went back to the venue to collect it, because it looked DARK up there. Following up the hill, I found a bunch of hashers crossing my path and followed them, although no-one had seen flour for a while, and the rest of the pack could be heard in the distance in the opposite direction of travel. I set out to explore potential trails and lost even that group. Found a checkpoint and headed shakily up a very slippery slope, grabbing onto trees, branches and twigs to prevent a precipitant slide back into the valley – Snuffler cruised past effortlessly, demonstrating contempt for anyone who doesn’t run on four feet. Dead end, so back down the slippery slope and on along the trail to find a single blob of snow at a fork in the road. Tried right – nothing. Tried left (up the hill) – still nothing. Snuffler, bored with the monotony of simply running, picked up a log twice the length of his head and with a girth that barely fit in his mouth. Later, even that was boring, so he carried it by one end, at one stage nearly swatting my legs from under me as he passed on a narrow trail.

A couple of lefts later, I came to a check-back from the wrong side and followed it back to a trail where, miracle of miracles, there was flour. Giving the hares their due, where I could find it, trail was marked with epic mounds of flour which stuck out of the mush nicely. (Ed. Note – The trail was perfectly marked until Stettbach, where we lost the plot. Well done in terrible conditions.) Another checkpoint, so went up-hill through shiggy and found two dots, but not the cross. Another flour-less trail, another left, and then a sinking feeling of familiarity as I saw Footsie prints in the mush and realized that I’d come full circle. Sound of the pack in the far distance to the left. Back through the same check-back to the last checkpoint, staying on the trail until I came to a viewpoint and a Hash Hold (really? In THIS weather?) and realized that I was on the outgoing trail so headed down the hill. The walkers led by Squatty Potty and Slippery Digit (dressed as a Yorkshireman) did a speed workout between Schwamendingen and Stettbach Bahnhof. A radiant Butt Bugger was inside eating pizza and fending off multiple proposals of marriage from the restaurant staff.


Hashers trailed in, along with a clean looking Climbidia,  and circle was held under the awning outside (stroke of genius, hares …) with glüwein, cider, spiked hot chocolate, and, for the traditionalists, beer. Special thanks to MeMe and Loves It Down Under for the warm-boozy drinks. Hands were kept warm by new hash gloves (On sale now!) A departing waiter, picking up his moped, stopped wide-eyed in his tracks at the sound of, ‘… sex with you is boring …’ before departing into the sleety night. We all steamed gently while every hasher made a nomination “whip-round” style, a concept that Crutching Tiger, Hidden Bruises found impossible to understand, and then in for pizza.

At the on-after, How Do You Define Veird was defrosted, Just Andrea aggressively rejected the cream atop her soup, Just Scott told us this was his last hash in Zürich, and What Cums in Vega Stays in Vega spoke at length about tulip bulbs.

Announcements –

1) Please sign-up for SOLA. The ZH3 have two teams and will get a 3rd team if there is sufficient demand. Otherwise, no complaining.

2) Winterfest– four slots left. Please pay if you have not.

3) Bring a flashlight (electric torches) to every hash until at least the vernal equinox.

4) Hash in Basel on Boxing Day (26 December)

5) Of course it is okay to change your mind, but please, if you are not going to make it to the hash, change you meetup sign-up (Sticky Fingers, Canada Wet, Stick a Dick in It, and Tall Balls were D.N.S. tonight)

Editor’s Note – Think you can do better? Volunteer to do the next write-up. Please send votes on which is more important length or girth, appeasements to the storm gods, and 2 donkey dowries to