Hares:\u00a0<\/b>Premature Cocksucker and Canada Wet<\/p>\n
Attendance:\u00a0<\/b>around 25, including 3 separate visitors, sadly no virgins<\/p>\n
Religious Adviser:\u00a0<\/b>Asphalt Liquor<\/p>\n
Scribe:\u00a0<\/b>Aspalt Liquor<\/p>\n
Visitor of Note:\u00a0<\/b>Superman<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s start with why. Why on earth was this hash about burning trains? Well, last Thursday, on almost certainly the most important and prestigious hash of the year (#1501), also known as the hashiversary of Licking Asphalt, a train caught fire in Alstetten. Not only was this BIG SWISS NEWS, and almost certainly all blame laid with the train-maker Out of Africa, but it also had the catastrophic effect of making almost every half-mind arrive late to the hash. When I say late, I am not talking \u201cSwiss Late\u201d, I mean, only-just-making-it-for-circle late. Within seconds of this tragic event unfolding, and certainly before any assertion of human casualties, the hares of hash #1502 had already booked a slot in the hareline and aptly named it, the Burning Train Hash. #toosoon<\/p>\n
So with that out of the way, the scribe can now detail the important parts of the trail:\u00a0
1) The chalk talk was mercifully swiftly carried out by Canada Wet as the other hare was laying a live trail.\u00a0
2) Just Matt (very keen, 6th time hashing all American real boy) questioned what a \u201clive trail\u201d was (oh to be so young, oh to experience all the confusion and oh for the joy of discovery all over again.. scribe wistful sighs, chin in hand). \u00a0
3) Both males and dogs outnumbered harriettes by about 4 to 1\u2026 more on the significance of this later.
4) It was said that some lucky hashers witnessed Canada Wet (famous in his identification of gender fluidity) actually running. Exact time and date were noted, so that this historic event would be forever etched in our minds; just in case, in the future, anyone said, \u201cwhere were you when hashers witnessed Canada Wet actually running?\u201d<\/p>\n
5) Moose Diver went to the future and came back with a hash tshirt from the aloha hash of August 2023. Don’t ask me. #onlyonthehash<\/p>\n
6) Despite the general enthusiasm of Just Matt the hare was not caught and we didn\u2019t get to see his willy<\/p>\n
The best part of the trail, not mentioned by the RA in circle, whose mind was addled by the heat, was when a random civilian exited his own home and ran onto his street as he had, in that exact moment, decided it was time for his evening jog. Imagine what must have gone through his mind when on exiting his garden gate and entering \u00a0his tiny street he was joined by tens of hashers shouting \u201con on\u201d and racing past him in their bright clothing and eccentric looks.\u00a0
But the very best part of the whole hash #1502 was perhaps the least expected. It was certainly the best announcement ever made in a ZH3 circle in 33 years of its existence. In answer to \u201cany more announcements?\u201d Two Boobs Too Many put her coke bottle gingerly on the top of the her head. \u201cAhem, I do,\u201d she said somewhat nervously, \u201cand its is a personal one. I know I am going to regret this.\u201d She hopped from foot to foot. \u201cAs many of you know, I am a forensic scientist.\u201d She declared as she started slowly turning a lovely crimson colour. \u201cAnd we do important research and so I need to ask you to\u2026 ahem\u2026 give a sample, you know for science.\u201d Immediate excitement from the circle who, you may (or may not) recall, were all mainly male hashers. \u201cNeed me to jizz?\u201d Shouted one older male hasher, \u201cHere I come down your way\u201d shouted another. At this point the RA pulled Too Boobs into the centre of the circle. \u201cWell, yes, I do need your semen. You know, for science. But only from those who are over the age of 40\u201d. Much MORE EXCITEMENT ensued, followed by various shouts of \u201cold cum collector\u201d, \u201conly likes old spunk\u201d and \u201ccomes in cups\u201d. And then, much to the scribe\u2019s surprise, just as a circle ended, Too Boobs started handing out the sampling kits she had actually BROUGHT with her to the hash. Little did she know just how popular her cups would be. Sadly, she had underestimated how keen hashers are to deposit for science. Horror of all horrors, she simply hadn\u2019t brought enough. #jiz4justice<\/p>\n
And now the scribe must rest her weary head and try to get enough rest to make it\u00a0through Friday<\/span>.\u00a0 Burn on. On On. Happy jizzing.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hares:\u00a0Premature Cocksucker and Canada Wet Attendance:\u00a0around 25, including 3 separate visitors, sadly no virgins Religious Adviser:\u00a0Asphalt Liquor Scribe:\u00a0Aspalt Liquor Visitor of Note:\u00a0Superman Let\u2019s start with why. Why on earth was this hash about burning trains? Well, last Thursday, on almost certainly the most important and prestigious hash of the year (#1501), also known as the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-write-up","post-preview"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4934","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4934"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4934\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5024,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4934\/revisions\/5024"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4934"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4934"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4934"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}