ZH3 Hash #1131: A break from Football
\nHares: Squatty Potty, Sticky Fingers, One Night Wonder, Wet & Ready
\nRA: Smokin Cock
\nScribe: yourself (guided by Weapon of Ass Destruction)<\/p>\n
A choose your own hash-venture scribing<\/p>\n
Instructions: Start at line 1, make choices, then move along to the indicated line…<\/p>\n
<\/a>—>1\u00a0 \u00a0 As another day at the office draws to a close, you ponder how to spend your Thursday evening.\u00a0 You decide to\u2026<\/p>\n ##<\/strong> Go to the hash:\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Go to line 42<\/a> <\/a>—>2\u00a0 \u00a0 Sensing danger, you pour more beer and hand it out efficiently. Circle continues, everyone receiving their beer without even asking. No one even notices you’re there. After some questionable down downs, the RA closes the circle. Go to line 24<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>3\u00a0 \u00a0 A friend\u2019s farewell party can\u2019t be missed. You head over and commiserate over a few beers. Losing track of time, you realise you\u2019ve completely missed the hash. Well, nothing to do now but keep your head down and avoid attention.\u00a0 Go to line 10<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>4\u00a0 \u00a0 Dot after dot, you prance along the trail like a gazelle.\u00a0 OnOn, OnOn, you are perfection. Nothing can stop this joy.\u00a0 But what is this? You look down\u2026 Go to line 27<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>5\u00a0 \u00a0 That was a bad idea. The beer bitch has gone from bad to worse. They sloppily stumble over to you to demand you stop with your nonsense. In response you\u2026<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>What time is it?\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 20<\/a> <\/a>—>6\u00a0 \u00a0 After some strangely worded down downs by the RA, a nominee is left waiting for a beer. You\u2026<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Shout ‘What time is it?’\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 17<\/a> <\/a>—>7\u00a0 \u00a0 A classic nomination. The virgins nervously drink their beer and sneak back the outside of the circle.\u00a0 Next, you move on to the backflip guy. Go to line 28<\/a><\/p>\n <\/a>—>8\u00a0 \u00a0 Swaying back and forth, the beer bitch is starting to look worse for the wear. Again, a brief silence falls over the circle.\u00a0 You\u2026<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>What time is it?\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 5<\/a> <\/a>—>9\u00a0 \u00a0 Well, well… that wasn’t well received and rebounded back to you. Nevertheless, the show must go on.\u00a0 Your next nomination is\u2026<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Footsie throwing his dog into the fountain\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 15<\/a> <\/a>—>10\u00a0 \u00a0 You send a few taunting messages to the Mismanagement group, jokingly suggesting you could be the scribe without even attending. The committee, being filled with sick and sadistic hashers, takes you up on your offer. Not one to shy away from your duties, you begin scribing. The more you write, the\u00a0 more lost you become in your own story\u2026 Go to line 1<\/a><\/p>\n <\/a>—>11\u00a0 \u00a0 An X greets you and thanks you for your efforts. Return to the previous checkpoint.\u00a0 Go to line 26<\/a><\/p>\n <\/a>—>12\u00a0 \u00a0 The world cup only comes around once every 4 years, You can\u2019t miss this… You head to a pub to watch the Japan vs. Poland match. Go to line 36<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>13\u00a0 \u00a0 You join the circle and vaguely pay attention as the hares ramble on about the same old markings. After what seems like an eternity, you are finally pointed in the right direction and take off.<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>You are an athlete in peak performance\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 43<\/a> <\/a>—>14\u00a0 \u00a0 Everyone gathers around you as you. You expertly explain the trail, all of the intricacies and details are crystal clear. The whole circle looks on you with great admiration. Chalk talk done, you send them off towards the first checkpoint.\u00a0 Go to line 48<\/a><\/p>\n <\/a>—>15\u00a0 \u00a0 Everyone loves that dog, and it was hot… What were you thinking? A second rebound… now you have to use your A-material. You move on to the backflip guy. Go to line 29<\/a><\/p>\n <\/a>—>16\u00a0 \u00a0 Confidently, you kick off circle. After some well crafted banter, you move along to\u2026<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Something about penetration and Kneels sporadically\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 9<\/a> <\/a>—>17\u00a0 \u00a0 The beer bitch’s efficiency hasn’t been improved by the greasing. Sensing another pause in the action, you\u2026<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Ask the time again\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 8<\/a> <\/a>—>18\u00a0 \u00a0 Everything is getting blurry. You aren’t sure if you’ve been greased 3 or 5 times. Everything goes quiet. You look up to see the whole circle staring at you.\u00a0 Think of something, fast! You shout \u2018What time is it?\u2019 Go to line 21<\/a><\/p>\n <\/a>—>19\u00a0 \u00a0 You jog around the corner. You keep looking, through alleys and across bridges, farther and farther away. Things gradually look less familiar. Where are you? Why is everyone speaking Spanish? After days of trying, you slowly begin to accept your new life as a dishwasher in Buenos Aires.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>20\u00a0 \u00a0 The beer bitch responds to your latest query with a stream of vomit all over your brand new shoes. This draws the RA’s attention to them, and prompts you to baptise them and endure one of the least pleasant down downs of your career. The RA decides enough is enough and closes circle. Go to line 24<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>21\u00a0 \u00a0 Wait! You\u2019re the beer bitch, your brilliant plan has backfired… The RA steps in and mercifully says ‘Time to close the circle.\u2019\u00a0 Go to line 24<\/a><\/p>\n <\/a>—>22\u00a0 \u00a0 Blue lights flash\u2026 you turn to run only to find more behind you. You\u2019ve attracted some unwanted attention and now Zurich\u2019s Finest surround you. As you roll away in the back of a police wagon, you change your RSVP for next week\u2019s hash to a no\u2026<\/p>\n <\/a>—>23\u00a0 \u00a0 Maybe it’s the beer, maybe you’re a bit thick, but you go to stutter and accidentally ask what time it is we start the hash. Before you can finish, someone jumps in with ‘Time to grease the beer bitch’. Another beer done, and you are longing for the end. You…<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Ask how much longer will circle be? You need to know if you need to open more cans.\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 18<\/a> <\/a>—>24\u00a0 \u00a0 After the Chariots, Bands of Angels, and Scooby Doo, the hash goes in peace.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>25\u00a0 \u00a0 You wander into a nearby park. You see Ice Footsie struggling with Snuffler. It seems the dog is more than he can manage. Do you help?<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Of course\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 40<\/a> <\/a>—>26\u00a0 \u00a0 You arrive at the first checkpoint.\u00a0 Which way will you check?<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Straight ahead\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 4<\/a> <\/a>—>27\u00a0 \u00a0 A fishhook… what kind of cruel mind could invent this kind of abomination? You are crestfallen, but you know what you must do.\u00a0 Go to line 37<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>28\u00a0 \u00a0 After a pantomime backflip, everyone chuckles. A well administered circle, indeed. Time to finish up.\u00a0 Go to line 24<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>29\u00a0 \u00a0 Before you can start, you are interrupted. Someone nominates the RA for the weather. After some time assembling the table, you yourself <\/a>—>30\u00a0 \u00a0 You carry on and find a true treasure. A BN scribbled on the ground with flour. The end is in sight. You…<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Sprint to the end. A lower split time means more Kudos!\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 31<\/a> <\/a>—>31\u00a0 \u00a0 You stop your GPS the instant you reach the BS. Feeling deeply fulfilled, you reach for a beer… but what’s this? You were too fast, <\/a>—>32\u00a0 \u00a0 Checkpoints come and go, the group is together and everyone is happy. But wait, where is Facial? He’s been gone for a while now, ##<\/strong>Of course, no man left behind.\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 19<\/a> <\/a>—>33\u00a0 \u00a0 Everyone is a bit confused, but Slippery takes his down down and trudges out. You continue with the backflip guy. Go to line 28<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>34\u00a0 \u00a0 Everyone chuckles at the petty complaints and thanks the hares for the hard work and shitty trail. Next\u2026<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Virgins\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 7<\/a> <\/a>—>35\u00a0 \u00a0 You spring to action, pouring countless beers, ciders, and NAs. The RA mutters somethings about someone.<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>You’re thirsty. What time is it?\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 41<\/a> <\/a>—>36\u00a0 \u00a0 As the second half drags on, Japan passing the ball back and forth in their own half, you finish beer after beer. Staring intently at the screen, you gradually go mad. Go to line 47<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>37\u00a0 \u00a0 Like opposing sides of a trench war, two people come face to face. DFL and FRB together, if only briefly. But this is no time for sentiment, the beer awaits.\u00a0 Go to line 44<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>38\u00a0 \u00a0 Surely the unexpected way is the correct way. You dart across the street, narrowly avoiding being hit by a car.\u00a0 On the other side, it seems you\u2019ve attracted some attention. Go to line 22<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>39\u00a0 \u00a0 You come across a marked through checkpoint, a delight. You trot along in the correct direction. But what’s this, some overconfident FRB is gloomily running back towards you.\u00a0 Go to line 37<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>40\u00a0 \u00a0 Wait… that isn’t Ice Footsie… You’ve just accosted some random stranger and stolen their dog.\u00a0 Go to line 22<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>41\u00a0 \u00a0 Ah, nothing like a cold beer to entertain yourself while beer bitching. Circle continues. After some time, you question what you should do next.<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>Make a nomination about people being late\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 23<\/a> <\/a>—>42\u00a0 \u00a0 Being of sound mind and poor liver, you decide to go to the hash.<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>After all, you were the hare, you can’t miss your own hash.\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 14<\/a> <\/a>—>43\u00a0 \u00a0 With Strava already running, you sprint down the road at maximum speed, you have Kudos to earn.\u00a0 Go to line 26<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>44\u00a0 \u00a0 A checkpoint. But which way to go?<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>The narrow alleyway\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 30<\/a> <\/a>—>45\u00a0 \u00a0 It’s going to be a long trail, and you’re already tired from work. No need to rush. Being a sensible DFL, you amble off. When you finally arrive at the checkpoint, no one is around… it’s not marked through… You listen and barely make out OnOn and see a flash of familiar haberdashery. You trot along.\u00a0 Go to line 39<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>46\u00a0 \u00a0 Everyone is finally together again. You grab a beer and circle begins.<\/p>\n ##<\/strong>You are the RA\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 16<\/a> <\/a>—>47\u00a0 \u00a0 After 10 minutes of sideways passes, something snaps in your head. You tear your shirt off and run screaming out of the pub. Swimming naked in a fountain screaming something about Inverting the Pyramid and false 9s has eased your troubles. You stand up and begin to look for your underwear when\u2026 Go to line 22<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>48\u00a0 \u00a0 As you reach the first checkpoint, OnOn is called and you mark through and move on. This is going perfectly.\u00a0 Go to line 32<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>49\u00a0 \u00a0 You stand with your drink on your head waiting to give a nomination. Your arms grow tired, you switch hands, then back again. Sadly, announcements come and go, and the hash is deprived of your witty nomination. The RA closes the circle.\u00a0 Go to line 24<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/a>—>50\u00a0 \u00a0 After a tiring day, you come to the Beer Near, for the second time.\u00a0 Go to line 46<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" ZH3 Hash #1131: A break from Football Hares: Squatty Potty, Sticky Fingers, One Night Wonder, Wet & Ready RA: Smokin Cock Scribe: yourself (guided by Weapon of Ass Destruction) A choose your own hash-venture scribing Instructions: Start at line 1, make choices, then move along to the indicated line… —>1\u00a0 \u00a0 As another day at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2997","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-write-up","post-preview"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2997","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2997"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2997\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3008,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2997\/revisions\/3008"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2997"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2997"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zh3.ch\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2997"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n##<\/strong> Watch the World Cup:\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Go to line 12<\/a>
\n##<\/strong> Go to a friend\u2019s farewell party:\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 3<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Pipe down for once\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 24<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Wait patiently to give a nomination\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 43<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Finally nominate after waiting for ages\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 49<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Virgins\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 7<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>You\u2019ll get to the circle eventually\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 45<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>The Hares\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 34<\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Shout ‘Ooo ooo ooo’ in an attempt to get your nomination in\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 49<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Stay focused, try to stretch out the beer you have left.\u00a0 Go to line 2<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>His dog, his problem\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 30<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Up the hill\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 11<\/a>
\n##<\/strong>Through the cemetery\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 19<\/a><\/p>\n
\nare dead bugged. That’s enough for now. You wipe your face, then close the circle.\u00a0 Go to line 24<\/a>.<\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Saunter to the end, circle won’t start for ages anyway.\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 46<\/a><\/p>\n
\nthe beer isn’t here yet. You have to wait for the others.\u00a0 Go to line 46<\/a><\/p>\n
\nshould you go look for him?<\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>He gets lost every week, he’ll find his own way.\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 50<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Slippery Digit and the Zebra Crossing\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 33<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Quickly and quietly dispense the goods.\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 2<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Refill the empty cups\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 2<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>A bit of running and beer would certainly be better than endless World Cup coverage.\u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 13<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>Cross the busy street\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 38<\/a>
\n##<\/strong>Into the grassy field\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 25<\/a><\/p>\n
\n##<\/strong>You are the beer bitch\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 35<\/a>
\n##<\/strong>You settle into the outside of the circle\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Go to line 6<\/a><\/p>\n