ZH3 Outstation: Bierathlon & Küplilauf 2017 – Write-up

Name: ZH3 Outstation: Küplilauf and Bierathlon 2017
Location: Richi’s Kiosk, Zürich – 47°21’01.9″N 8°31’05.2″E
Hare: 21st Annual Bierathlon Course
RAs: Asphalt Liquor and Weapon of Ass Destruction
Attendance: 23 hashers
Scribe: ZH3 Committee


Sali zämme. Perhaps you attended the 21st annual Bierathlon or perhaps you did not. Either way, you paid for it, as it was a hash sponsored event, so grab a beer and read on for some of the details from the events that transpired on 2 December 2017.

The cold that settled down for kaffi und kuchen did not deter the sumo wrestlers, the Disney princesses, tropical jungle animals, or even Die Spanier from coming out for foolishness and frivolity. Two by two we were to march through muck and mire propelled by wind as well as fire.

Arriving with the advanced team at 10:00, Slippery Digit helped clean the swamps that surrounded Richi’s Kiosk. Richi’s was the HQ for the day’s festivities and without these efforts the race would have been impossible. (Or at least much more squidgy.) SD also acted as chief organizer, money collector, liaison with the locals, and securer of our 12 slots across the two competitions. It is safe to say that without his efforts, the ZH3 would not have been able to continue our participation in this event. For this we are forever grateful.

MeMe came next and staked claim to some of the only paved real estate in the area. He added to the supply of dry land with his table and filled it with a spread of food and strong drink. Of the six table legs, five kept to the ground. Drop on Trail was not impressed. For this we are forever grateful.

By 14:00, everyone gathered to watch the start of the Küplilauf. Drop on Trail and Just Tobias led the way dressed in scrubs stolen from a local children’s hospital. Stick a Dick In It and WAD followed dressed as hashers. Super Squatty Potty and One Night Wonder swooped in to the middle of the pack. Christian Harlot and Butt Bugger limped their way around the track. This event marks Butt Bugger’s first post-op competition, coming in as a last minute substitute for the suspiciously missing Sticky Fingers. The final two teams were sadly marked as DNF because they were having too much fun to return their crate to the finish line. Just Selma and MeMe caught some sort of Christmas virus. Shogginatrix and Cavity Search were all smiles, as they showed off their dance moves in sumo suits.

After the dust had settled, the Bierathaon began at 15:00 with pandemonium as 210 teams streamed across a 2.5 meter gap in some shrubbery. There was a lot of experience on the field and thankfully no major injuries were reported. Facial Discrimination and Fishy Hooker set the pace, looking more confused then fearsome as skeletons. Next, resplendently plumed, were Dr. Knob and Saddam dressed as the male members of Abba. Wife and husband team, Asphalt Liquor and Papa FKK came next, dressed as a pirate and a parrot. LIDU and Shamcock, stole the show and likely broke the bank, dressed as a nut and bolt complete with electric lights. Two non-Yorkshire men dressed as Yorkshire men, Slippery Digit and Climbidia, came in in just over an hour after consuming their 10 beers, a flask of whiskey, hummus wraps, sausages, and small lamb. Finally, Ms. Fucktober and Stogie Gibberish, dressed as nerds rounded out the competition.

Post-race, no one was so drunk that they need to be carried away from the field of play. Some needed to be hauled away from the disco ball but most went quietly. We broke camp and headed for the hills. Before the train arrived, Asphalt Liquor and WAD ran a short messy circle. Before pulling away from the station, an over served bystander was prodded onto the train and later assisted by Fishy Hooker and Drop on Trail. (For which she is forever grateful.)  A short but scandalous train trip featured the hashers informing the denizens of Zürich about the condition of both Yogi Bear’s and the president of the United States’s genitalia. We are a classy bunch.


Climbidia generously hosted and toasted the hashers at his home. Pizza, crisps, a rouge sandwich, beer, leftover Thanksgiving wine, and water were consumed in earnest. For this we are forever grateful.

A mostly tame affair compared to nearly naked parties of yesteryear, but each of us took heroic draughts from the horn of plenty and then departed, one by one, into the cold dark night.


Bierathlon – 3 Liter saufen, 6.8 km laufen
Amalgamated Hash Name Rank Overall Category Category Rank Official Time Comments
Facial Hooker 36 FM 3 44:40 Were you suppose to be Pandas?
Dr. Sadoknob 62 +100 13 50:39 Dancing Queens
Liquor FKK 83 FM 14 54:49 The suit still fits!
Shams it Down Under 114 FM 17 1:02:23 Best Costume
S.T. Digit 129 MM 87 1:07:16 We use to dream of living in a corridor.
Fucktober Gibberish DNF FM DNF 1:50:00 Get er’done.
Küplilauf – 1 Flasche Prosecco geniessen – 2.7 km laufen
Amalgamated Hash Name Rank Overall Category Category Rank Official Time Comments
Drop Tobias 20 FM 5 16:51 More beer please!
Dick Destruction 68 FM 26 30:13 Que frio!
Butt Harlot 71 FF 40 33:31 Can we see the Strava replay?
Potty Wonder 72 FF 41 34:36 Superduper
Me Selma Me DNF FM DNF 1:50:00 Naughty or Nice?
Cavitynatrix DNF FF DNF 1:50:00 Huge in Japan

Editor’s Note – Think you can do better? Volunteer to do the next write-up. Please send swamp drainage, the location of my super suit,  and Short Circuit to ZH3.com.

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