Name: ZH3 Hash #1076: Wiener Takes All

Location: Shamrock Pub, Wollishofen
Hare: Hold My Hairy Wiener, Disco Bitch, Just Ben
RA: Weapons of Ass Destruction
Attendance: 42 half-minds and one dog
Scribe: Down On My Sister

A herd of hashers arrived in old familiar Wollishofen and deposited their detritus, notably trying to avoid crushing a small baby in a pram that was left at the bag drop – it turns out, by a bartender. Infanticide, now THAT would be a way to start a hash.

After chalk talk and the introduction of virgin Just Nico – we tried not to lose him – the hash began, with everyone curious what kind of trail would be laid thanks to Disco Bitch’s wandering nose. Where would we end up? In garbage cans amongst tasty food scraps? Following strange trajectories as the Bitch chased a chipmunk? Or maybe we would just stay in a nice fleece-lined bag all hash, cuddled up against Hold My Hairy Wiener?

We followed flour down and across the hill, wondering if we would head towards the woods or towards the lake. It got darker and darker and several half-minds regretted not bringing a headlamp. The trail was well-marked and one check-back was a little too obvious, leading Flat n’ Easy to correctly intuit the turn in direction before the FRB’s had reached the offending mark. MeMe considered this poor hash behavior but what is a hasher if not a shortcutter? We all got extremely confused at an intersection (what else is new), but eventually made our way under the train tracks and down to Lake Zurich, where several hashers found it worthwhile to investigate the island despite the fact that there is only one entrance/exit and thus the trail could not lead on from there. We’re a smart bunch!

Following an aerial walkway we eventually got back on the “right side of the tracks” and everyone knew it was going to be a big hill to get to the beer stop. The trail passed by Butt Bugger’s house and despite her disabled state she hid behind a wall and scared the shit out of some FRB’s, then kindly cheered on the rest of us. Later in the climb some felt the need to try to vault a fence in order to get to their beer. Others merely laughed as the hare called us back and admonished us against going on private property.

Everyone eventually reached the finish, even the virgin, and we enjoyed beer and copious snacks, honor to Christian Harlot for correctly provisioning us. In fact everyone reached the end at practically the same time – a well-laid trail!

Aside from actual down-downs, S.C.U.M. made a lady friend during circle, congratulations S.C.U.M.

Notable Down-Downs:

  • For Hold My Hairy Wiener for haring for the last time before her departure.
  • Thumper Inside for never having seen a penis, apparently something about the dark.
  • Naked and Wasted for now being 30, my god, he’s practically dying of old age.
  • Several hashers for wearing shorts when it is clearly winter.
  • Butt Bugger for wearing many warm clothes despite being Canadian.
  • A deadbug but the scribe can’t remember who because she was probably drunk already.
  • Every time the hares drank, so did all the Austrians, because, you know, Wiener.

Venue: Familiar venue. They are nice.

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